I'm back like cooked crack with another ugly shoe report. From the looks of things, I don't think I'll ever run out of shoes to expose. Next up is the Birkenstock. It's the shoe of choice for the braless tree-hugger on a mission. You gotta be comfortable when you're out scouting abortion clinics to bomb. This shoe makes even the smallest foot look like a Sasquatch foot. The nerve of this company to charge $80 for this piece of shit. It doesn't look the least bit comfortable. That ridge in the heel area can be murder, making the back of your ankle all red and shit. I don't know about you but suede footbeds leave blisters on the bottom of my feet, so I avoid them. This shoe is also unisex, usually worn by the tree-hugger's Hacky Sack playing boyfriend. Just double the fug.